"I'm afraid I talk a lot, too much, perhaps. I should have been a lawyer or a college professor or a windy politician, though I'm glad I am not any of these."
"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."Tom Glazer on Steven Wright
"Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery."Tom Glazer on Calvin Coolidge
"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."Tom Glazer on Robert Frost
"Make crime pay. Become a lawyer."Tom Glazer on Will Rogers
"Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens."Tom Glazer on Plato
"My Dad died during the flu epidemic in 1918 when I was 4 years old. He left a lot of classical recordings behind that I began listening to at an early age, so he must have been a music lover."
"Just this morning, out of a large memory for songs, and having been obsessed by them since childhood, suddenly, at the age of 84, I thought of a song I hadn't thought of in over 50 years. It came into my head unbidden."
"I published, privately, a collection of my serious poetry I had written over the years. I only published 50 copies, which I gave to friends, in a special deluxe edition. It was ridiculously expensive but I'm glad that I did it."
"When I was in Philadelphia during the Depression in 1930 or '31, I got a very sad job as a night watchman in a garage. The cars in the garage had been abandoned by their owners, since they had lost their jobs and couldn't keep up the payments."