"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."Tom Lehrer on Mark Twain
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."Tom Lehrer on Henry Ford
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."Tom Lehrer on Mark Twain
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."Tom Lehrer on Kurt Vonnegut
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."Tom Lehrer on Robert Frost
"When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex."
"My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun."
"Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh."
"Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize."