"When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex."
"I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead."Tom Lehrer on Oscar Wilde
"You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."Tom Lehrer on Ronald Reagan
"It's difficult to believe that people are still starving in this country because food isn't available."Tom Lehrer on Ronald Reagan
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."Tom Lehrer on Yogi Berra
"Beware the hobby that eats."Tom Lehrer on Benjamin Franklin
"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."
"My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun."
"Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh."
"Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize."