"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."Tommy Cooper on Mark Twain
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."Tommy Cooper on Henry Ford
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."Tommy Cooper on Mark Twain
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."Tommy Cooper on Kurt Vonnegut
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."Tommy Cooper on Robert Frost
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"