"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."Tommy Cooper on Mignon McLaughlin
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."Tommy Cooper on Socrates
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."Tommy Cooper on Friedrich Nietzsche
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."Tommy Cooper on Oscar Wilde
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can't live without."Tommy Cooper on James C. Dobson
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"