"I was making my living from a joke about my appearance that I didn't understand, and in a way still don't, because when I look in a mirror it doesn't seem funny to me."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Wallace Shawn on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Wallace Shawn on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Wallace Shawn on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Wallace Shawn on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Wallace Shawn on Elbert Hubbard
"I led the life of an intellectual up until a certain age. I remember Freud's 'Interpretation of Dreams' was a big favorite when I was 11. It sounded so interesting. And it really was!"
"I think the whole system of education would change if I were in charge and had the ability to make changes. I don't think I would keep Princeton exactly being Princeton."
"But because we've all been readers, we know what the experience is like, and we hope that what certain writers have given to us, we will give to someone."
"You can go to a play that is enjoyable because it's funny, and then on the next night you can go to a play that's enjoyable because it's 'disturbing.'"
"I don't happen to have a sense of humor personally, so I don't know what's funny about a character... This happens to be a feature of my life generally."