"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."Walter Matthau on Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."Walter Matthau on Groucho Marx
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."Walter Matthau on Erma Bombeck
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."Walter Matthau on Plato
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."Walter Matthau on Erma Bombeck