"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
"A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government, and this is necessary to close the circlue of our felicities."Woody Allen on Thomas Jefferson
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."Woody Allen on Winston Churchill
"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country."Woody Allen on Thomas Jefferson
"Government is not reason it is not eloquent it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."Woody Allen on George Washington
"Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil in its worst state, an intolerable one."Woody Allen on Thomas Paine
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"