"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
"Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right."Woody Allen on Abraham Lincoln
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."Woody Allen on Mother Teresa
"When the solution is simple, God is answering."Woody Allen on Albert Einstein
"While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation."Woody Allen on Maya Angelou
"Never trust anyone completely but God. Love people, but put your full trust only in God."Woody Allen on Lawrence Welk
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"