"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."Woody Allen on Lana Turner
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."Woody Allen on Ron White
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Woody Allen on Bill Cosby
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."Woody Allen on Jim Carrey
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."Woody Allen on Elbert Hubbard
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"