"My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing."
"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."Zach Galifianakis on Pope John XXIII
"When one has not had a good father, one must create one."Zach Galifianakis on Friedrich Nietzsche
"My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him."Zach Galifianakis on Eminem
"I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father's equal, and I never loved any other man as much."Zach Galifianakis on Hedy Lamarr
"Whoever does not have a good father should procure one."Zach Galifianakis on Friedrich Nietzsche
"That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people?"
"I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that."
"I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal."
"Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious."
"I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny."