16:59 13 December 2013
Doctors from Derby and Nottingham have sat down and read the 14 Bond novels written by Ian Fleming. Based on their observations, the fictional spy hero drank 1,150 units of alcohol in 88 days making him an impotent drunk who is not to be trusted to deactivate a nuclear bomb.
According to their calculations, the spy drank about 92 units per week, which consist of five vodka martinis per day which is four times the recommended maximum intake for men in the UK.
Patrick Davies, a consultant in intensive care at Nottingham University Hospitals, said: "You wouldn't want this person defusing a nuclear bomb.
"He's a very glamorous person, he gets all the girls and that's totally incompatible with the lifestyle of an alcoholic, which he is."
The report, which was published in the festive edition of the British Medical Journal said: "Although we appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high stakes gamblers, we would advise Bond to be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake."
The doctors added: "The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol.”
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