14:05 17 September 2010
Research shows that two in three women admit their fantasy of a one night stand doesn't match the reality.
But when there is dimmed lighting, funky music, and possibly one cocktail too many, it becomes all too easy for our moral (and visual standards) to be seriously compromised.
In case you find yourself waking up with a surprise companion, follow our great escapes guide from sex and relationships expert Simone Bienne. As every smart lady knows, just because the sex is casual, there is no reason one's etiquette should be!
Great Escape 1: How to say goodbye at his place
After getting naked with him last night, you've woken up to the smell of a fry up. He's clearly still working his charm. But with one eye half open so you can pretend to be asleep if he comes back into the room you're planning your escape. The morning after can be utterly cringe-worthy, which is clearly why well over half of women want to make a speedy exit after a one night stand.
While you may now realise he looked a lot better in dim lighting, doing a runner simply isn't an option, ladies! If youre plucky enough to have sex with someone you don't know very well, it means you're big enough to be upfront with him. Treat him how you would like to be treated. Always be kind. And no, being kind doesn't mean giving him a fake number. You have to combine kindness with directness. Most men don't pick up on subtleties. If you're not interested, tell him what a great time you had, but this is where things end for you. Really, he'll appreciate you not playing games.
Great Escape 2: The brunch "date"
If you think the man in bed could be someone you might like to date, ideally you should still leave his place after the fling has been flung. It will give you a greater chance of starting the dating process with some good old fashioned courting. If you're in your 30s, this kind of deferred pleasure will likely make sense to you. But if you're in your 20s, your romantic love bubble probably hasn't burst yet. And you're likely to want to ignore me.
So if you insist on saying yes to brunch, the first rule is to check your make up isn't half way down your face. Secondly, over your cappuccino, keep the conversation casual. This isn't the time to be talking about your hopes and dreams. Save that for the first real date. You know. The one where a phone call precedes it. And yes. Call us old fashioned. A phone call is the only way you should be saying yes to a date!
Great Escape 3: Saying goodbye when you're at home
If you've done what some consider to be the decent thing to do and let him stay, there's a good chance you'll be fretting about how to get him to leave. Try not to worry. Don't over analyse it and follow these steps. If he's in your bed and still snoring, get dressed, bring him a glass of water (a tea wont do here, as he will only have to wait for it cool down), and tell him your parents are coming over for the day, so he needs to leave. Don't miss off the "he needs to leave" part. Or you may find yourself with an extra lunch guest. Once he's out of the door, wash the sheets and have a confessional with your best mate.
Great Escape 4: Don't fall asleep cuddling!
Waking up next to someone you don't know may feel incredibly intimate. But you may be faking it, without even knowing it.
Heres the thing: when you orgasm, your body produces oxytocin. This so called "hug drug" makes you, as a woman, feel attached to the person you've just slept with. That's why after sex some women feel needy wanting to meet up again or asking for some kind of commitment. What's most shocking is all of this can happen even when you haven't stopped to ask yourself if you even like him!
The solution: have a taxi company on speed dial. After some post coital friendly chit chat, order it. Then make sure, whether you're at his place or yours, one of you leaves in it.
And don't forget...
Of course, always be contraception savvy! If you have had a contraceptive mishap or unprotected sexual intercourse it's time to wake up and smell the espresso. Don't take any more chances. Get safe. Be smart. Consider taking emergency contraception such Levonelle One Step morning after pill. For further information on contraception visit www.contraception.co.uk
One night stands are for women who feel comfortable enough to express their sexuality with a near stranger. This means theyre not for everyone. A quarter of women say a one night stand leaves them with an empty feeling. But the chances are, any feelings of loneliness existed before the no strings attached sex. Sex is simply the vehicle which has got you in touch with your vulnerability.
Being in touch with your feelings isn't always an easy option. But it's useful to sit with any sadness, so you can move past it. If you find yourself in someone's bed and you regret it, don't hold back, have a good cry. Acknowledging your own feelings and then expressing them will soothe you. Then write a list of 20 things that make you feel safe, secure and loved; and give yourself one of these gifts each day.
Next, with your best friend (so she can remind you how loved you are), have a girly heart to heart, and spoil yourself with some chocolate (the darker the better). Chocolate contains the feel good chemical phenylethylamine (PEA). This so called "love cocktail" is exactly what our bodies produce in the early stages of dating to help us feel attracted to a partner. Which is why, if you're feeling lonely, always choose chocolate over a one night stand to make yourself feel better!
In addition to these tips, to help you make an easy morning-after exit while abroad, visit www.levonellegreatescapes.co.uk to see translations of the most common exit phrases used, translated into other languages - information not given to you in any guide book!
For more information on the morning after pill, visit www.levonelle.co.uk.
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