14:20 02 June 2006
So you think you're a pretty good lover? Well think again.
Even the best lover can become irritating if he doesn't pay attention to his partner.
So get ready to learn the top 10 most irritating things men do in bed.
Leaving your socks or shoes on
Forget what you learned from watching porn. If you are one of those guys that tends to rush getting undressed in the throes of passion, take your socks off first and stash them far, far away from her sensitive nose.
Answering your phone
According to a worldwide survey, 15% of men have interrupted sex to answer a phone call. Resist the urge to drop her breast for your ringing phone and turn it off before you start. This is particularly true if your mother has a tendency to check up on you during the day. If she is likely to call, make sure to turn off your answering machine as well.
Engaging in small talk
Women love vocal, erudite men, but during intercourse is not the time to show off your gregariousness so ditch the tautological demagoguery about the origin of the universe.
Watching anything other than her
This includes sport on the T.V. A study by an Italian sexologist has found that couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex only half as often as those who don't. Other frequent transgressions include checking a clock or observing your pecs or beer belly in the mirror.
Drooling on her (or spitting globs of saliva on her face)
Keep your spit away from her face. It's gross, and she won't care if you've seen it in some porn film.
Collapsing two seconds after sex
In your defense, there is a physiological reason that men feel sleepy after orgasm, and this is because the post-climactic blood rush depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving them feeling physically drained. But whatever it takes you must rise above this sleepiness reflex.
Mentioning the sexual skills of other women
Don't ever, ever talk about other women while having sex. Women particularly resent you mentioning your ex-girlfriends or comparing your current experience to that with any other woman. Needless to say all suject areas in this matter are taboo.
Turning sex into stand-up comedy
You may be a potential winner at amateur night at your local Comedy Store, but forget about giggling, snickering, laughing or telling jokes while having sex. Women may love a good sense of humour, and it's a great seduction tool, but being silly or laughing can hamper her arousal and trivialise the sexual experience for her.
Using infantile pet names for body parts
She doesn't care what you call your penis when you're in the shower or telling jokes with your buddies. She wants to feel that she is a grown-up woman experiencing mature lovemaking with a real prince charming, and not a little girl 'playing doctor.'
Forgetting about your physiological differences
She is not a RealDoll made to withstand 250 pounds of pressure, nor is she ready to receive pillow-pounding thrusts from the first moment of contact. Learn to be patient and gentle - it is what makes a man a lover.
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