How to Talk To Your Family About Your Wishes

Talking to your family about your funeral can feel uncomfortable, particularly when everyone is fit and well.

However, having the conversation now can make things much easier for your family in the future. It gives you an opportunity to explain what you would like and what matters most to you. And it means relatives are less likely to face important decisions without knowing your wishes.

They need to know what arrangements you have made and what to do when the plan is eventually needed.

Why is it worth talking about your funeral wishes?

Without a conversation, your family may have very little idea about the type of funeral you would want.

Would you prefer burial or cremation? Would you want a religious service or something less formal? Is there a particular song you would like played? You may already have clear answers, but your family might not know them.

Talking about your wishes removes some of that uncertainty.

It can also help relatives understand why particular choices matter to you. That can be especially useful if your preferences differ from family traditions or what others might expect.

You do not have to plan every detail. Even discussing the things you feel strongly about can give your family valuable guidance.

Choose the right time to start the conversation

There is rarely a perfect moment to talk about funeral arrangements.

Try to choose a time when nobody feels rushed or distracted.

The subject may arise naturally while discussing a will, retirement or other plans for the future. Attending somebody else's funeral can also prompt conversations about what you would want yourself.

How do you start a conversation about funeral wishes?

You do not need a prepared speech. Instead, explain why you want to talk about your wishes and what you hope the conversation will achieve.

If you are looking into aprepaid funeral, this can provide a natural starting point. Explain that you are considering arranging your funeral in advance and would like them to understand your choices.

You could then tell your family that you would rather discuss your preferences now than leave them guessing later.

What should you talk about?

There is no requirement to decide every aspect of your funeral in advance. However, there are some key questions worth considering.

These can include:

• whether you would prefer burial or cremation
• the type of funeral service you would like
• whether religious beliefs or traditions should form part of the service
• particular music, hymns or readings
• flowers or donations to a chosen charity
• the people you would like involved in the service
• your preferred funeral director
• funeral transport
• clothing or a particular dress code
• personal touches that reflect your interests or personality

If some decisions matter more than others, make that clear too.

For example, you might have strong feelings about burial or cremation but be happy for your family to choose the music. Knowing where they have flexibility can be just as useful as knowing your firm preferences.

Should your family know you have a prepaid funeral plan?

 Taking out a plan is only part of preparing for the future.

At least one trusted family member should  know which provider it is with and where the relevant documents are stored.

Without this information, relatives could begin making funeral arrangements without realising that a plan is already in place.

Keep the paperwork somewhere safe but accessible. And tell the appropriate people where they can find it.

It can also be helpful to explain what the plan covers. This gives relatives a clearer understanding of which arrangements have already been made and which decisions remain with them.

What if your family disagrees with your choices?

Families do not always agree about funerals.

Discussing your wishes in advance gives everyone an opportunity to understand your choices.

Explain which elements are particularly important and why. A preference that initially surprises someone may make much more sense once they understand the reason behind it.

You can also identify areas where your family can make their own choices. A funeral is about the person who has died, but it is also an important occasion for those left behind.

Leaving some decisions to your family may allow them to create a service that provides comfort while still respecting your main wishes.

Write your funeral wishes down

A conversation is an excellent starting point, but it is sensible to create a written record too.

People can forget details, particularly if many years pass between the conversation and the funeral. Writing down your preferences provides something your family can refer to when the time comes.

Keep your wishes alongside other important documents or tell your family where the information is stored.

And remember that your preferences can change. Review your wishes occasionally and tell your family about any significant changes.

Final Thoughts

Talking about your funeral does not mean every detail needs to be decided today. You just want to make your preferences clearer to the people who may need to act on them.

Having that conversation can remove uncertainty and give relatives a useful starting point when arrangements need to be made.